When people want to be funny…

My younger sister keeps a (non-strict) vegan diet and has to buy a lot at internet-shops not only to keep the cost low but even more so to have a much bigger selection to choose from. Some if not most of those companies seem to have hired some…uhm…packaging artists who think they are witty. Most aren’t, as you might have guessed, but some are not that bad, as this example from the island northern of France shows.
It is a fruit bar (like in chocolate bar), stripped of all things non-natural and non-vegan (I’m pretty shure the workers are forbidden by contract to wear anything made from leather, silk or any other material made out of animals when they work in the line. The people, not the animals.) hence the name of it.

Fruitbar Front

OK, not that funny. But let us take a closer look.
Fruitbar Back 1

Fruitbar Back 1

Here the irony—volitional or not is unknown but the company is from Britain—starts:
“nature ist nice” it says right there under the bar code with the nice punchline added by the name of their website.
“Wholefood smooshed together”? Oh, how cuddly!
“natural berry flavoring” gives it another extra: it is still according to the law if that berry flavor has not been made out of actual berries (I assume that that is not the case here, the production process of these quasi-artificial flavors involves some steps that are not acceptable for vegans).
“Gleefully made in Britain”. Shouldn’t that read “Great Britain”?

There is a fold. Let’s unfold and take a glimpse.

fruitbar back 2

Fruitbar back 2

Half of that thing is sugar, as expected. They need a preservative agent at least because they do not bake it. Well, they say they do not bake it, they do not say that they do not heat it at all.
“May contain the odd piece of shell or pit piece :)” A smiley? Really? My…
(WordPress changes the colon-closed-parenthesis automatically, don’t know how to switch it of. So if you see a picture instead of a colon-closed-parenthesis, that was wordpress)
“Best before (a friend nicks it!) see side of pack” They have friends who steal their stuff and are quite sure you have these, too. On the other side: with that much sugar in it… BTW: I couldn’t find a date on the package, can you?

At the top of the multi-language ingredients list: “Hello, Europe! Hope we spelt everything right…” The spelling of the past participle of “to spell” has a double meaning if spelled in british english, I got that, yes, but what does the ellipsis at the end of it want to tell me?

You might want to know now how it looks like and how it tastes, too. I, for myself, don’t, so let me sigh deeply first.

Fruitbar inside

Fruitbar inside

Looks a bit like a sausage but smells kind of fruity.
Now the taste.
Must I?
OK, it is sweet aaaaand: not much more. No distinct taste of 49% dates, which is good. Where are the 31% of cashew nuts (which are the pits of the fruit if the cashew tree Anacardium occidentale hence the wordplay “May contain the odd piece of shell or pit piece :)” No, there is no picture of a smiley at the end, just colon-closed-parenthesis, grrr!)? Neither are detectable the 17% of raisins, which is, admittedly, expected. The 3% of raspberries add to the list of non-detectable tastes. But I’m old and might lack the necessary taste buds.

I had to cut off a slice to taste it and I used a cutlery that is normally used for other deeds, so let me zoom out of the picture above:

Fruitbar sliced, with tools

Fruitbar sliced, with tools

That is an old butcher knife, a pork sword, with its sharpening steel, well used. You can get it as sharp as a razor blade with ease.
They don’t make them anymore. I think it is plastic and stainless steel only now,


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